Kiir Congratulates Museveni’s Election Victory on WhatsApp
President Museveni must be the only African leader blessed with loyal friends. A classified gossip coming from Liquor Paradise (President Salava Kiir’s palace in Juba) has it that he (Salva Kiir), on Saturday 20th of Feb sent a WhatsApp message to congratulate his mentor, President Museveni of Uganda upon his disputed election victory. The most fascinating part of it is that he addresses Museveni as “Big brother.”
“Congratulations Big brother…..I’ll always take your advice seriously….You are a man of experience.’’
“Are you still in Mbarara (cattle camp)?” the text message reads in parts.
Although the experience Kiir is cherishing here is subject to interpretation, the 30 years of Museveni’s dictatorship, which makes him the world’s most experienced dictator of 21st century can never elude the revolutionary analysts.
So if Kiir should stick to his vow and embraces Museveni’s teaching as gospel truth then all Non-Dinkacrats serving or intending to serve in Kiir’s tribal government MUST start to rehearse for life behind bars.
Those with no prior experience in jail life can perhaps consult Bakosoro for some tips.
The self proclaimed president will continue to re-elect himself to the country’s top job as long as his liver and CD4 cells counts could permit. CD4 cells or T-helper cells are a type of white blood cell that fights infection and their count indicates the stage of HIV or AIDS in a patient. Last year, South African doctors cautioned that the Jieng Council of Evils’ boss should adopt healthy lifestyle including quitting whisky but the word “Quit” is never found Dinka-pedia.
This revolutionary news has been leaked by Kiir’s only literate bodyguard from the Tiger Unit, and he is the one assisting the president with operating his IPhone 6 Plus since Kiir himself is struggling with the American technology.
According to the informant, Kiir also sent a text message to his long time friend and personal prophet TB Joshua, asking him to call but whenever he is free. The self- proclaimed prophet replied that he was still busy performing miracles and had promised to call back after the miracle session.
Mr. Nicholas Osobi
A Revolutionary Columnist